


Short Shorts

by lordjenjen



Category: South Park
Genre: Added prompts, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, seriously, super short ideas i had and couldnt really do much with, will probably have everyone you can imagine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-04-20 06:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 12,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14254563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordjenjen/pseuds/lordjenjen
Summary: A collection of super short and rather silly prompts and things from my tumblr.com bloog. varying degrees of ratings (Mostly Teen because language), pairings, and content. I'll put the rating in the chapter title if it's anything other than Teen.Edit: 7/26 added a bunch of prompt fills from the tumblr blog





	1. Not a Game

Not a Game

***

“This isn’t a game,” Kenny growled in his Mysterion voice. “I die all the fucking time doing this shit.”

Craig was unphased by the blonde’s antics. “Yeah and I shoot lasers from my eyes. Hence why I’m here. You’re not the only one who’s lost something important to them.”

“The Coon took Tweek?” 

“What? No. Tweek is at the shop. Probably panicking over his dad’s inability to properly roast beans.”

“Then what-”

“My guinea pig. Stripe #7. He stepped on him. He must pay.”


	2. Back to School

Back to School

***

“As we can see from the graph, Tim Burton’s movies should have died after Beetlejuice. Without a career after Beetlejuice, he could never have hired Johnny Depp for Edward Scissor Hands and his career would have died after 21 Jumpstreet. Helena Bonham Carter's career would have gone unscathed. Making her the true goth idol.” Mr Garrison set his chalk down and turned back to the class. “Any questions?”

“How do you still have a teaching license after you nearly brought the US to nuclear war?”

“Why aren't you and Heidi les-ing it out in the Janitor's closet?”

“Hey! You can't talk to my girlfriend like that!”

“I didn't say anything about Kyle, Stan.” Mr Garrison turned back to the chalkboard. “Now as we can see from this chart here, Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s career should never have taken off-”


	3. Playground Football

Playground Football

***

“Okay, the plan is simple we-”

“Why are we listening to Wendy make the play?” Cartman gripped.

“Because Wendy kicks ass. If you don’t like it join the other team,” Stan suggested. 

“Why should I change teams? She’s the-”

Before Cartman could finish his sentence, Kyle swung, hitting Cartman square in the face. The brunette hit the ground, out cold. 

“Sorry about that, babe,” Kyle said shaking his hand. Hitting him like that, while it felt good, always hurt his hand like the dickens. “What’s the play?”

“Use Cartman’s fatass as a shield as Kenny jumped over them.” Wendy toed the body, making the boy grunt. “You think the team will trip over him if we leave him in the field?”

“They might purposely attack him, honey.” Stan supplied. 

“Okay the new plan isn’t as simple-”


	4. Thanksgiving 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan/Kenny

Thanksgiving

***

“Randy, put the- Damn it, Randy!”

Stan sighed as he pushed a bit of his dad’s lasted “Thanksgiving cooking adventure”. It was the same thing every year. His dad would make some Food Network thanksgiving special dinner while trying to also watch the game and getting drunk. The food would turn out trash and everyone would do their best to eat it. He would then cause a scene while they ate. Shelly would complain then make her own scene about why she never brings Chad over anymore.

Stan hated the whole thing.

A hand brushed against his leg before resting reassuringly on his thigh. Stan turned towards his boyfriend and gave him an apologetic smile as he placed his hand on top of Kenny’s. But staring into his boyfriend’s eyes made everything else disappear. He just hoped the same was true for Kenny.

Kenny shifted his hand so it was holding Stan’s. “I love you,” he mouthed.

“I love you, too.” Without much thought, Stan leaned over and gave Kenny a small kiss on the lips.

Stan was brought back to the real world by the clearing of someone’s throat. He pulled away a little and looked at his family. He wasn’t out to them yet. He was thankful for the short lived peace before his dad gave a long drawn out “Gay.”

“God damn it, Randy! This is why Stan doesn’t tell us anything. Why are you such an asshole!?” She turned to her son and gave him her motherly smile. “I’m happy for you both. I’m just sad you felt the need to hide this from me.”

“You mean us, Sharon. Us.”

“No, Randy, I meant me.”

With that, they went back to arguing. He would talk to his mom later about it. Stan turned towards Kenny again to get lost in his beautiful eyes. 


	5. Thanksgiving 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan/Kenny

Thanksgiving 2

***

Kenny smiled as Stan wrapped his arms around him and kissed his neck.

“Smells divine and I didn't burn anything this year.”

“I'm so proud of you, honey.” Kenny turned around and grabbed Stan's face before giving him a proper kiss. “Can you cut the turkey?”

Stan gave Kenny another kiss before letting go. The two of them cringed as they heard arguing coming from the living room.

“Perfect timing. Seems the kids are getting restless.” 

Kenny hummed in agreement as he started carrying food dishes to the table. He took a moment to appreciate the whole aesthetic of a picture perfect Thanksgiving table. He always wanted one growing up, and Stan gave it to him.

Stan gave Kenny a peck on the cheek as he walked by with the plate if turkey. “DINNERS READY!” He hollered as he pulled out the head chair for Kenny.

The blonde ran back into the kitchen to grab serving spoons. When he came back out, he realized this was the picture perfect Thanksgiving he always wanted. Even with Kyle and Cartman arguing, it was perfect. Nothing but his friends and sister. People he truly wanted to be surrounded by. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kids are Cartman and Kyle. They are not dating, just arguing because it's fucking Cartman and Kyle.


	6. Underwear

Underwear

***

It wasn't the first time Kenny had died in an awkward situation. He showed up to his favorite demon’s place all the time in various states. He just had to pretend this was no different. 

“Whose underwear are you wearing?”  Cr’aigta’ckzir asked.

Kenny placed his hands in his hips. “What makes you think they aren't mine?”

“Well they obviously don't fit-”

“My dick can't be contained.”

“-and they are asking me if I'm nasty.”

“Well, are you?”

“No.”

“Then the message wasn't mentioned for you.”

The corner of the demon's mouth lifted slightly. “Shot by a jealous husband?”

Kenny sighed defeated. “Close. It was all an extreme Role-play on their part. They started having sex before I was even fully dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I think I also posted this with another story, but I just think I'm so funny. I feel like everyone would appreciate this.


	7. Just Like Old Times

Just like old times

***

“Kyle, just… just a little bit. Please.”

“I don't know Stan. It-it just feels… wrong and-”

“Don't think about that. Think of how great it felt. Just think of your fingers running across it. Of the weight in your hands. It will be just like old times.”

“Just like old times?” Stan knew Kyle wanted to. He always worried his bottom lip when he was holding back from something he desired. “Well… I guess a little bit won't hurt.”

“You won't regret it!”

Stan gave his boyfriend a kiss before he picked up the plastic guitar and started the new game he picked up, Guitar Hero Live.


	8. The Holidays

The Holidays

***

Stan and Kyle's holiday cards were always a bit weird and so totally them. This year was no exception. They were both wearing holiday themed onesies. Kyle's was littered with cat heads wearing santa hats. Stan's was just strings of Christmas lights. They both looked equally ridiculous. They even got their pets in it. He wasn't sure where they found matching sweaters to match their own pajamas for their cat and dog, but they did. Behind them was a table with the Menorah and a Christmas tree.

He was sure on everyone else's cards they were smiling happily with Happy Holidays in fancy lettering written on it.

But not his.

The two were smiling, sadly. Even their pets seemed to be sad. On the back was a short personalized note. 

Please come home. We miss you.

He was never sure how he got their Christmas cards year after year even when they weren't on the same plane of existence. 

Kenny threw the photo into the fire. As he watched it burn, he allowed himself to cry. He would love to return to them, but he couldn't. Not now. And maybe not ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Kenny dead? Are Stan and Kyle dead? Why did Kenny leave? What is even? WHO KNOWS!


	9. Don't Do It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan/Kyle/Wendy

Don't Do It

***

“Does your period start tomorrow or something because you-’

“I swear to  _ God _ Stanley, if you finish that sentence-”

Wendy turned to Stan and Kyle, knife still in hand. Terror passed across her boys’ faces as they looked at her knife and back to her face.

“Maybe we should cut-” Kyle tried.

Wendy let out a scream and slammed the knife through the celery on the cutting board. “No! Stan cuts them too big! You mince everything you touch! I want soup! Not sludge! Why-why-”

Wendy barely started crying when two sets of arms wrapped around her, trying to comfort her. It worked but she still cried harder. She knew it was ridiculous. It was just soup and they were both decent cooks, but she wanted to make soup her way for once. Hormones would always triumph over being rational though.

“Why don't you make your delicious soup and we'll be right here, admiring your amazingness, if you need or want our help.” Stan stated, combing his fingers through her hair.

“And then after dinner, we can make tea and cuddle on the couch,” Kyle added.

Wendy sniffled a few times, which seemed to be Stan and Kyle's que to ease off a little. She nodded her head. That did sound nice.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you.”

They both tried to give her a kiss and ended up smacking faces. Wendy let out a little laugh and went back to cutting up vegetables. 


	10. Singing in the Shower

Singing in the Shower

***

Craig started up his Pandora as he waited for his shower water to heat up. He scrolled through the stations, and hit play before hopping in. The hot water hit his skin invoking a sense of calm in him.

For the most part, the music was just to fill the silence. But two notes into the fifth sing, it became much more than that. Few songs could invoke a reaction from Craig, very few, and this was one of those songs. And it was always on the more intense sides of getting into a song.

He knew his voice wasn't the best, but who cared? He was alone, in the shower, and no one was going to know his secret. Craig grabbed his bottle of body wash and began almost dancing as he scrubbed himself down, singing under his breath. When it got to the chorus, he could no longer hold back. He sang into the bottle as if it were a mic.

“Write what you want, say what you want 'bout me. If you're wondering, know that I'm not sorry! Do what you want, what you want with my body! What you want with my body!   
You can't have my heart and you won't use my mind but do what you want with my body!   
Do what you want with my body!-”

“Well, if you insist,” a familiar voice said, from within the room.

Craig yelled and automatically covered himself up with the body wash bottle despite the fact the shower curtain was still closed. 

“TWEEK! What are you doing!?” Craig said entirely too loudly. He wasn't mad at his boyfriend, just surprised and a little embarrassed. 

“GAH! I'm sorry! You-you said come over when I was done and-and-”

“Sorry. I didn't mean to yell.” Craig poked his head out of the shower. “You just scared me.”

He couldn't help but think, despite the years if dating, that Tweek looked cute when he was flustered.

“You-you like Lady Gaga?” Tweek asked avoiding his eyes.

“Pretty sure it's a requirement to being gay.” 

Tweek let out one of his half giggle, half chuckle laughs Craig was in love with. “I guess it is.”

He watched as his boyfriend picked up the phone and restarted the song. Smiling he looked up at Craig and began singing. He loved his boyfriend's voice and sang along with him while finishing his shower.

 


	11. Singing in the Shower: Alternate Ending

*****Alternative Ending*****

Craig started up his Pandora as he waited for his shower water to heat up. He scrolled through the stations, and hit play before hopping in. The hot water hit his skin invoking a sense of calm in him.

For the most part, the music was just to fill the silence. But two notes into the fifth sing, it became much more than that. Few songs could invoke a reaction from Craig, very few, and this was one of those songs. And it was always on the more intense sides of getting into a song.

He knew his voice wasn't the best, but who cared? He was alone, in the shower, and no one was going to know his secret. Craig grabbed his bottle of body wash and began almost dancing as he scrubbed himself down, singing under his breath. When it got to the chorus, he could no longer hold back. He sang into the bottle as if it were a mic.

“Write what you want, say what you want 'bout me. If you're wondering, know that I'm not sorry! Do what you want, what you want with my body! What you want with my body! You can't have my heart and you won't use my mind but do what you want with my body! Do what you want with my body!-”

“Well, if you insist,” a familiar voice said, from within the room.

Craig yelled and automatically covered himself up with the body wash bottle despite the fact the shower curtain was still closed.

“What the fuck are you doing in my bathroom, Kenny!?” Craig yelled.

“You said come over after work.”

Craig pulled back the curtain to glare at the blonde sitting on his toilet, looking smug.

“In my bathroom though?”

Kenny shrugged. “You didn’t answer the door so I let myself in. Then I heard the shower. I was going to announce myself, but your singing was too cute.”

Craig pulled his head back into the shower and blushed a little.

“So you like Lady Gaga?”

“Pretty sure is a prerequisite for being gay.”

Kenny chuckled. “Yeah, guess it is.”

Craig did his best to quickly rinse himself off. He didn’t want to keep his friend waiting, and having him sitting in the bathroom was a little strange.

“Do what I want, do what I want with your body,” Kenny started. Craig was glad the blonde couldn’t see his smile. He forgot the he could sing and his voice was as pleasant as ever. “Do what I want, Do what I want with your body. Back of the stage, taking shots getting naughty, no invitations, it’s a private party.” Craig was a little surprised Kenny could hit the high notes. He thought he was just a baritone. “Do what I want, do what I want with your body. Yeah we taking this haters and we roughing them up and we laying in the club like we don't give A FUUUUUUU.”

Craig smiled as he joined back in in the singing.

“GAH!” Craig froze as Kenny paused the music. “Kenny! Why are you in Craig's bathroom!?”

“Craig invited me.”

Craig pulled back the curtain and looked at his boyfriend. He could see the impish grin on Kenny’s face. But It was the near panicked look on Tweek’s that bothered him the most.

“Into his bathroom!? What’s going on, Craig?”

“Babe,” Craig said calmly. “I asked Kenny to come over. He invited himself in while I was taking a shower.”

Craig heard the song start over and looked at Kenny, trying to convey his best “What the actual fuck are you doing, McCormick” look. The blonde started to move with the beat and singing. Craig was at loss for what to do. He wasn’t sure if he should get out or not. He had rinsed off all the soap, but Kenny was there and he wasn’t sure now was the time to be naked in front of someone other than Tweek.

Tweek surprised Craig by breaking out his singing voice to sing the chorus with Kenny. The noirette smiled and joined in. No one could resist the Gaga.


	12. Lu Lu Lu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU: Where what song you hear your soulmate hears
> 
> Kenny/Butters

Lu Lu Lu

***

It was such a strange song, but Kenny would find himself singing it. Not on purpose though.After all, the song was far less amusing after the first thirty times. He was sure his soulmate was doomed to have his constantly dieing ass as a life partner, but Kenny was doomed to forever have  _ that song _ stuck in his head.

He knew who the culprit was. It wasn't hard to figure out when he arrived his preschool class. If the floating hearts wasn't a dead giveaway, him singing the song while playing alone was. 

Even now, while he was trying so hard to concentrate on his math homework, Butters was singing the song. 

_ Lu lu lu, I got some apples. _

Kenny set down his pencil and waited. 

_ Lu lu lu, you got some too. _

Kenny was a little worried when Butters didn't continue. As much as Kenny disliked the annoying ditty, he hated the classical music that started playing more. The sperm donor seemed to sense when Butters was in a good mood and would ruin it one way or another. Kenny hated it but he didn't know what to do. He had already threatened the man as Mysterion, even going as far as to kick his ass, but that had been a mistake. Butters had been punished for what Kenny had done. 

He couldn't do much more without outing himself. He may have known Leopold Butters Stotch was his soulmate, but unless the blonde shared the same reaction to their first meeting, he doubted the teen knew who he was.

The classical music stopped, indicating that Butters punishment was over as well. His grounding, however, was just beginning. He wanted to comfort Butters, but he wasn't supposed to know what happened to him, the blonde had never told a soul.

_ It's been so long, since I have heard your voice. Could you sing me a song of your choice? _

Kenny chuckled. He never would have thought of singing to get his soulmate a message, let alone singing it to a tune that already exists. He thought about actually singing the Akon song, but he didn't feeling like trying to acapella that shit. He was no Pentatonix member. 

_ What would you like to hear?  _ Kenny sang, hoping his singing covered his voice enough.

_ Anything as long as it's y- _

Butters being cut off again made Kenny's blood boil. 

_ Anything as long as it's your voice. _ Butters sang much more quietly.

Kenny plugged his headphones into his phone and opened Google Play. He hit “Feeling Lucky” and closed his eyes, hoping he got a decent song. A smile when the first few piano notes played. He lowered the volume and took out one earbud, making sure Butters could clearly hear his voice as he began singing Sam Smith’s acoustic version of Latch. Kenny just let the playlist go, singing most songs that came across. He finally ended it on some Bocelli when he could feel his throat getting sore. 

It was eerily quiet to him, after singing for so long. He hoped Butters had fallen asleep as it was late and a school night. He turned back to his math homework, hoping to finish everything he could before school tomorrow so he could get help from Kyle, even though his friend had a habit of procrastinating his own homework. 

Kenny read the word problem. As soon as he saw the word apples, he began singing Butters song.

 


	13. In Which Michael and Mike are Roomates 1

In Which Michael and Mike Are Roommates

Vampir stared into the fridge. He brought home a bottle last night, and yet, it was missing. He closed fridge and turned to Michael who was sitting at the island drinking his morning coffee.

“Where is my tomato juice?” 

Michael pulled out his cigarettes and stuck one between his lips. “Used it for Bloody Mary’s last night,” he answered lighting his cigarette.

He didn’t even get a full drag off it before Vampir pulled it out of his mouth and put it out in his coffee.

“No smoking in the apartment!”

“Eat shit.”

“It’s in the lease. And stop drinking my tomato juice! You don’t even like it!”

Michael flicked the coffee soaked cigarette at Vampir. “Fucking conformists.” 

***

Michael knew ways to push Mike’s buttons, including calling him Mike. And after the Vampire wannabe conformist had used his own cain against him to knock his feet off the coffee table,  _ his _ coffee table even, he knew what he must do. Ruining his precious tomato drink with a good shot of vodka and hot sauce wasn’t going to cut it.

Mike had sent a text earlier asking of Michael was going to actually cook dinner tonight since it was his turn. Which is why he was actually cooking for once.

He was cooking something they both were going to…  _ enjoy _ . And he was due home any moment. As he had to actually watch for the other’s Prius to pull up, but once he saw it park in his usual spot, Michael dished out the food and set it down before taking his own seat with a cup of coffee.

“Welcome home, Mike.”

The slight twitch was beautiful to Michael. “Thanks for cooking dinner, Mike.” Michaels face feel. That wasn’t funny. “But why did you make spaghetti? You don’t even like tomatoes.”

“To shut your bitching up. I made myself alfredo.”

The vamp took his seat and rolled the noodles and sauce onto his fork. The utensil was halfway to his face when it distorted in disgust. “Garlic. You loaded it full of garlic.”

“You telling me you don’t like garlic?” Michael asked taking a bite of his food. “Well, sucks to be you then.”

***

“Michael I’m so sorry. It was an accident I didn’t mean to.”

For the first time since they became roommates, Vampir saw Michael express an emotion other than disdain. The goth picked up his favorite white, now pink, shirt from the laundry basket of still wet cloths. All of their whites had been dyed pink due to one lone pair of new red boxers. Vampir could see the tears Michael was holding back. 

“My Chemical Romance broke up and is never getting back together.”

Vampir did his best to hold back his own tears. He knew Michael only said that because he was hurting, but his words still stung deep. 


	14. What the Hell Was Kenny Doing?

S21E10 What the hell was Kenny doing?

***

The blonde looked into his closet. One of the only thing hanging in it was his Mysterion costume. It had been a few months since he had to wear it. And now South Park needed him again. With the President lingering around, no one knew what was to come. If Canada caught wind of him in the area, mixed with everyone knew that this is the President's home town, this could be the end of South Park.

“Kenny, what are you doing?”

Kenny peaked around the closet door and looked at his little sister.

“Nothing, what's up Karen?”

Kenny's heart softened as his little sister held out her doll for Kenny. She had that thing with her everywhere she went and it made him so happy you see she liked something her go her so much.

“I was wondering if you wanted to play dress-up and have a tea party.”

“Fuck yeah I would!”

Kenny grabbed his tea party dress he made just for these occasions and a new dress be bought for Karen.

As he looked out the only window, he saw Kyle and Stan walk by wearing backpacks and with a Craig and Tweek behind them, closely followed by Cartman and Heidi. Kenny's chest hurt a little at his friends not inviting him but that quickly whey away when he remembered his friends were assholes.

He thought briefly of inviting Butters over since the boy enjoyed Karen's dress up tea party but quickly shook that thought away when he remembered the boy was grounded. 

That was okay though, Karen and him would have fun.


	15. Tucker Fucker (Explicit. Sort of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tweek/Craig

Tucker Fucker

***

“How's it hanging, Tucker Fucker?”

“GAH!” Tweek turned to his longtime boyfriend, Craig. “What the hell is going on!? That's like the fifth person!”

Craig set down his comic, giving the twitchy teen his full attention. “Remember when I said let's not do it in the gym equipment room because someone will hear us and then we proceeded to do it in the gym equipment room where you fucked me over vaulting horse?”

“Nnh, but why are they calling me Tucker Fucker? I thought the Asian girls had everyone convinced I was some weak ass bitch that needed your love and support to function daily! Some kind of-” Tweek tried to recall the word they used for bottom. Uki? Semi? Yuri?

“Well, the entire girls volleyball team overheard me, apparently, not so quietly, moaned, “Fuck me harder, Tweek.””

“GAH! The girls volleyball team!? They,” Tweek gritted his teeth to keep from yelling, “they weren't supposed to be there.”

“Yeah, another team got kicked out of the playoffs so they are in. Seasons not over for them yet.”

Tweek picked at his hoodie sleeve so he wouldn't pull his hair. Well Craig's really, he had just borrowed it and never returned it because Craig thought he looked cute in his slightly to big clothes. 

“I'm sorry, man. Are you mad at me?”

Craig was silent far too long for Tweek's liking. 

“No.” Tweek relaxed a little, glad his boyfriend wasn't mad for taking part in his desire to fuck in odd places. “I'm mad at Bebe though for trying to record it.”

“GAH! SHE WHAT!?”


	16. Confromists

Conformists

***

“You have got to be fucking kidding me right now.” Michael took a drag off his cigarette, blowing the smoke into the alien’s face. “An anal probe? Lame.”

“Fucking conformist aliens. Even the abduction was fucking lame.” Henrietta flicked what was left of her cigarette. “Ooo. Beam of light outside a diner. Like get better.”

“Seriously, dude.” Pete flipped his hair out of his face as he flicked some ashes onto the spaceship floor. “The least you could do is slice open our heads and abdomens to inspect our internal organs, bleeding us dry in process.”

“Then use our blood to summon forth a demon from the depths of hell.”

The Grays stared at Firkle a moment. Finally one spoke up. “Demon?”

“Ohmyfuckinggod.” Michael groaned. 

Henrietta pulled out the book she was carrying. “Yeah. A fucking demon.” She showed them a drawing in the book before closing it. “Jesus fucking Christ. You would know if you did anything except anal probes.”

“Interesting. Tell us more about these demons.”

***

All for teens stared into the flames, watching little bits if ashes float upwards towards the night sky.

“We never speak of this to anyone,” Michael stated.

“Who knew demons were just conformist aliens.”

“Fucking aliens ruin everything.” Firckle threw in the last book.

The group watched it burn, making sure all evidence of the books were forever destroyed. 


	17. Prompt Fill 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a prompt fill for “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.” Clyde/Token

  1. _“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”_



***

“What the hell are you doing?” Token asked.

Clyde gave the man his best puppy dog expression, his brown eyes watering just enough to catch the light, making him look adorable and on the verge of tears. It was oddly effective despite the fact he was wearing nothing more than a frilly maid apron.

“Cleaning your room for you.”

“Yeah. I can see that. But why? And where are your clothes?”

“You said you wanted a sexy maid to clean your room for you.”

Token froze. It had been almost a month ago he and the guys had been hanging out. Craig said he scored some good shit off of Kenny, and he wasn't wrong. The six of them had been incredibly high, even Timmy had a hell of a contact high going. He remembered Jimmy laughing so hard at his own jokes he couldn't even tell them. When he would calm down enough to utter a word, he usually got as far as “Okay, so-” and would start laughing all over again. He remembered Tweek was extra calm. The normally twitchy blonde was running his fingers through Craig's hair as they talked about aliens. Clyde was sitting next to him, shoveling chips and dip into his mouth. 

He recalled that at that moment, his room looked incredibly dirty. 

They had house cleaning people who would arrive and clean unnoticed, but he didn't want that. He wanted to know who was cleaning his room. He wanted to interact with them, trust them, maybe even grow to like them. Take them out in dates. Love and cherish them. It would be a romantic comedy but it would be his life. And then, when they didn't have to clean houses for money, they could dress up as a sexy maid and surprise him as he came home from work.

“Man, I wish I had a sexy maid to clean my room.”

“Isn't your maid already sexy?” Clyde asked.

“I don't know. Never seen her.”

“D-d-doesn't Cartman's m-m-m-m-mom clean houses?” 

This side tracked the group into what Cartman's mom actually did.

Token gestured towards Clyde. “This is almost the exact opposite of what I meant!”

“Almost? Am I not sexy enough?” Clyde's brown eyes began watering up.

“I'm straight.”

“So am I, doesn't mean I can't be a sexy maid cleaning your room for you.”

Token sighed. “This is because your car broke and you need money isn't it?” 

Clyde never answered, instead he continued to give Token his stupid heart melting puppy dog face. He was sure this is how he managed to keep Bebe as a girlfriend. That and shoes. 

“Fine. I'll give you $200 if you also clean out the closet and at least put pants back on.”

“I can't. I walked here like this.”


	18. The Sweet Spot (Mature sort of)

The Sweet Spot

***

“Oh god, yes.”

Stan leaned his ear against the bathroom door. It was odd to hear Kenny moan outside of the shower. The man had his preferred masturbation places, and the bathroom wasn't one.

“Mmm-fuck! Right there.” He moaned.

“Right there?” Was that- Is that Kyle!? Stan thought and concentrated harder on listening.

“Fuck yes, right there.”

“Feels good, right?”

He couldn't believe want he was hearing. Angry his boyfriend possibly cheating in him with their friend, stan whipped open the bathroom door, throwing enough force to cause the door to cause it bounce off the wall and vibrate.

Anger quickly turned to bewilderment as the Stan tried to take in the sight before him. Kyle sat on the counter, hunched over Kenny with a cotton swab in his ear. Kenny himself had nothing but a towel on, his head angled into Kyle, pure Bliss slowly draining from their faces as they focused on Stan.

Instead of speaking, Stan grabbed the door knob and began slowly closing the door.

“Don't judge me!” Kenny yelled as the door closed. “Kyle is really good at cleaning ears!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is Stan dating? WHO CARES! That sweet spot when you're cleaning your ears and it's like orgasmic! No? Just me? DON'T JUDGE ME!


	19. Something Sad

Something sad

***

It was a strange experience for Kenny. He'd lived and died often. He was only 18 but he'd experienced so much in his life. Yet his was new.

Kenny had never experienced death like this. He'd never experienced the weight of carrying a casket. Never experienced a priest drone on about life and death. Heaven and hell. Kenny knew what was in the great beyond, he didn't need some religious figure to tell him. He knew. 

No one said anything to him as they left. A few friends touched his arm. His mother refused to even acknowledge him. Kenny was okay with this.

Once everyone was gone, Kenny stepped forward and opened the lid of the casket. He knew this wouldn't be his last memory of Karen's face, he'd see her in hell next time he died. But here, now, her skin was too pale, dull and lifeless. They did a good job of covering the bruises on her neck, but Kenny had seen them and he would never unsee it.

He placed the doll he bought Karen in with her, so she wouldn't be alone and scared. The night before she dies, she was still sleeping with her dolly.

He closed the casket again. And walked away.

Kenny was going to  experience something else tonight. While he was unable to protect Karen in life, he was sure as hell going to make sure her killer could never do this again. 

Mysterion was no longer South Park’s Batman. He was now South Park’s Punisher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote then and then the DLC was added to FBW. I'm sorry!


	20. Noirette Highlander

Noirette Highlander

***

“STAN!” 

The teen in question turned towards his best friend. “I was listening.”

“No you weren't! You were glaring down Craig again. Why?”

“There can only be one.”

“What?” 

“Don't-don’t fucking get them started,” Tweek said as he took a seat with Craig. 

“What?” This just left Kyle more confused.

The two glared at each other from across the table.

“Noirette.”

“Noirette.” 

“I don't get it? Did Stan accidentally flirt with you again?” Kyle watched as Kevin Stoley walked by caring his lunch that, bright bubblegum pink mop a top his head, looking sad and defeated. “Kevin?”

“You should see Wendy.” Kyle looked around the lunchroom, trying to find the girl, only being able to recognize her by her trademark purple hat. Her hair had been colored aqua.

“Noirette,” they both said through gritted teeth.

“It's been like this for a week. Stan's dad was taken out Saturday. The goth kids are all blonde and were taken it Monday. David hasn't been to school in a week-”

“But why?” Kyle asked.

“There can only be one.” The boys echoed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There can only be one Noirette in South Park and Stan and Craig are the last two. Who will be the Noirette?


	21. The Pianist I

The pianist

***

Tweek pulled out his sheet music and set it in front of him. He wasn't sure why he bothered. He had this song memorized. Craig said it made him look more legit, so he kept it that way.

He flexed his fingers a bit before resting them on the keys. A played a quick soft ditty to check the piano was fine and well nothing ruined a good performance like a broken string or out of tune piano. 

Tweek cleared his throat and turned to his audience, Wendy's, abdomen. Sure Wendy was there. And Stan. And Kyle. But his true audience was Wendy's uterus.

He brought his fingers down heavily on the keys. 

“AHHHH!” He screamed. “STOP BEING A PIECE OF SHIT, YOU FUCKING TOOL BAG! GAAAAAH! STOP CRAMPING UNNECESSARILYYYYY! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER!!!  AHHHH!! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BLEED LIGHTLY!? STOP THROWING A FIT JUST BECAUSE THERE IS NO BABY!! AHHHHHH JUST FUCKING STOOOOOOOOP!”

Tweek ended his performance and looked at the others in the room.

“Well? How do you feel?” Kyle asked holding Wendy's hand.

“Jesus fucking Christ, you guys are idiots.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having a bad period? For the low low price of $100, Tweek will yell at your uterus to knock it off. You'll feel better* and revitalized.**
> 
> *There is no scientific evidence to back these claims. Really customers don't "feel better" so much as are entertained that a gay man is yelling at their lady parts.   
> ** Not true either. Actually you will probably laugh and be in more pain because your period fucking sucks which is why you hired us.


	22. The Pianist II

The Pianist II

***

Tweek cleared his throat as he played a quick warm-up. Kenny, who for some reason was laying across the top of his piano trying pretending to be sexy, hummed his scales to do a warm up. It was a special occasion to be doing a duet with the talented singer but he was worried about the prints left on his baby. He would have to polish it later. Again.

But it was a special performance. He would let it slide only this time.

Tweek straighten his sheet music. “Ready?”

“Yep let's do this.”

Tweek began by playing a soft melody, an intro of sorts, before be brought his hand down heavily on the piano. 

“Fermati nel nome di tutto ciò che è santo!” Kenny sang as Tweek screamed. 

“STOP FUCKING DOING THIS! AHHHHH! SATAN'S WATERFALL NEEDS TO STOP! MOTHER NATURE NEEDS TO PULL THE STICK OUT OF HER ASS! GAAAAAAAH! STOP TORTURING WOMEN YOU SADISTIC ASSHOLE!”

Tweek played his soft outro and ended the song.

“That's sweet babe, but I don't have a period,” Craig stated through gritted teeth. 

“Oh. Right.”

“Could be appendicitis.” Kenny pointed out sitting up. He slid off the piano and hovered over Craig a moment before pressing lightly on his side.

Craig let out a defining scream and then a fart. 

“Or gas.” Kenny released the pressure and Craig screamed again. “No. It's appendicitis.  We should-WE SHOULD TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!” Kenny pointed to the man laying on the couch as he yelled over both screaming men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad cramps? Check for appendicitis! While screaming at your cramps may make you feel better, screaming at your appendix for trying to burst and kill you won't.
> 
> The truth is, they are all idiots and forgot you can't just yell the pain away.


	23. Damsel in Distress

Damsel in Distress

***

“I am here it save you, fair maiden!”

Wendy whipped around to see a Knight in shining armor standing at the base of the tower.

“I don't need saving!” She yelled back, trying not to be too distracted by the man bellow. She had more important things to attend to.

“We heard you scream from like… miles. I had to hike for three weeks to find this place. What do you mean you don't need saving.”

Bebe chose that moment to pop her head up.

“Listen here, mister! She doesn't need saving. Already taking care of it!”

Wendy tapped Bebe's metal plating. “You heard her, I don't need saving!”

“GOD DAMN IT!”

Wendy turned back to Bebe. “If you don't mind.” Wendy lifted her dress up a bit, giving her knight a hit.

“Whatever you say,  _ fair maiden. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other knight is Stan. There was really nowhere to point that out. I just want you to know. That's Stan.


	24. 420 Blaze It!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tweek/Craig/Kenny

Wanna get high?

***

 

“I've-I’ve never done this before.” 

“Don't worry, baby. I got you,” Kenny whispered, letting his breath ghost across Tweek's ear. 

He watched as Tweek's body shook a little from nerves. It wasn't too concerning though, he would help the man relax. His lips brushed Tweek's cheek, barely touching the soft skin.

“I swear to fucking God, Kenny.”

“Shut up. You're next.”

Kenny brought his orange and pink glass pipe to his lips and held his lighter above the bowl contents. The dried plant glowed as inhaled the smoke, holding it a moment in his lungs. He pulled Tweek forward, fingers interlacing with the blonde locks at his nape. He exhaled some of the smoke into the waiting mouth before covering it with his own. A tongue tentatively touched his own before becoming more aggressive. More smoke left Kenny as he tugged slightly at Tweek's hair. The man gasped then pulled away to start coughing.

“That was pretty hot. Up until the coughing.”

“I guess you can just show me how it's done then!” 

“Well, Craig. Since you're the expert,” Kenny stated grinning.

The process was repeated with Craig, his lazy kissing was a perfect contrast to Tweeks. Just like Tweek, he pulled away, but did his best to suppress his cough. It worked for all of ten seconds before the smoke left his lungs and he succumbed to the cough.

“Ha! Not that easy is it!?”

“Don't worry. Practice makes perfect. And I have a lot of practice supplies.”

Kenny's smile never wavering as prepared to start over again with Tweek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to finish and post this at 4:20 on my blog! Idk what the fuck I'm doing anymore!


	25. Prompt Fill Michrietta (Explicit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “After making all that fuss about how you wanted to be fucked hard, you’re whining like a little baby.” Michrietta.

“After making all that fuss about how you wanted to be fucked hard, you’re whining like a little baby.” Henrietta took a long drag off her cigarette holder. She slowly thrusted her hips, running the black silicone dick up and down the cleft of Michael’s ass, letting the tip tease his recently fingered hole.

“It’s not that. God. I think you need to use more lube.”

“I need more lube?”

“You’re being a little bitchy baby.” Henrietta grabbed the lube, and applied some more to her fingers, before roughly shoving the two into his ass, coating it in lube, before applying more to the strap-on. “Anymore lube and your ass will slide out of itself.”

Michael let out a sigh. “Okay fine. Do it.”

“Do what?”

“Fuck me.”

Henrietta slapped one pale cheek before pulling them apart. “Good boy.” 

She took a moment to admire Michael’s unfucked hole, knowing it would never be like this again. Once a man got a taste of her pegging their ass, they wanted it, always. She was okay with this. Henrietta held the cock at Michael’s entrance and slowly pushed in. It was far more difficult to get the tip in than it needed to be. She smacked Michael’s other cheek.

“Stop clenching.”

“I’m trying.”

“Push out, like you’re takinging a shit. Just a little bit. It will help it go in easier.”

“Says who?”

“Kenny. But it seems to work.”

The resistance slowly dissipated and she felt the dick slide into Michael’s ass. The man let out a moan as his ass finished sucking her in. She stayed still a moment, using the time to take another drag off her cigarette. Being his first time like this, she started out slow, getting his ass accustomed to having something in it like this. As his breath increased, so did her pace until she was giving Michael a deep fucking. He began letting out little “ah!”s as she entered and knew he was ready.

Dick fully embedded in his ass, Henrietta leaned over him to set her cigarette holder on the ashtray. Michael didn’t seem to notice the movement, his face screwed up in bliss. She drug one black lip across her teeth, excited for what was about to come, and beyond turned on. She pulled almost all the way out of his ass, letting just the tip pull at his tight ring. 

Without warning, she grabbed Michael’s skinny hips, pulling them roughly back to meet her own before pushing him off again and repeating the movement.

His moans quickly changed from tiny quite, almost intimate sounds, to loud and hot. She loved making men scream like this, and he was no exception. Each scream went straight to her pussy, making her more wet, juices flowing down her leg. After she was done claiming his ass, she was going to make him eat her out. 


	26. Prompt FIll Creekenny (Explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Stop whimpering, you can fit both our cocks in there." Creekenny

Craig felt a hand gently push on his back. He knew it was coming, but he didn’t seem ready. Kenny’s dick was big enough that Tweek even adding one finger made him feel like he was over stuffed. Yet here he was, One dick already in him and three fingers were working him open more. But Tweek was bigger than three finger and his ass was already stretched beyond its limit.

His chest collided with Kenny’s below him, both sticky with sweat. Kenny pressed his lips to Craig’s trying to distract him from the inevitable. His heart rate picked up as Tweek slowly withdrew his fingers. It wasn’t like Craig didn’t want this, it had been his idea that had accidentally slipped out while they were talking dirty fantasies. The difference was Kenny could be talked into a threesome, aliens couldn’t abduct Tweek and lay eggs in him. Not to say they didn’t get a toy to solve that simulate that fantasy.

The tip of a well lubed dick poked at Craig's entrance. He let out a whine into Kenny’s mouth, instinctively clenching his ass. 

"Stop whimpering,” Tweek said massaging one ass cheek, “you can fit both our cocks in there."

Craig did his best to relax as Tweeks dick returned to his already full asshole. He breathed deep, and curled his toes as a distraction as Kenny had told him. A flick of his nipple caused him to inhale sharply and break the kiss. As he let out his breath, Tweek pressed past the first barrier. A sound somewhere between a gasp and a moan seemed to be caught in his chest. Breathing seemed harder, only able to inhale in short gasps. Tweek stopped moving forward, instead attempted to rub his back. Kenny was whispering breathing instructions into his ear, but he couldn't hear it over the pounding of his heart

A high pitched moan finally left his gaping mouth and he seemed able to breath. 

“That’s it. In through the nose. Out through your mouth.”

Craig did as Kenny said and soon Tweek was pushing in again, letting out his “nhg” moans Craig loved. Each moan seemed to bring life back into his deflated cock. He wasn’t sure when he’d lost his erection but it was coming back.

“I told you you could fit both.”

Craig just whimpered, still unable to form words. He could feel everything. He could feel his ass wanting to close, pulsing with his heart. He could feel both dicks twitch with anticipation. It was Kenny who moved first, just a slight thrust of his hips, burying his dick farther into his ass. Craig didn’t know he could let out such a sound, but it seemed to be encouragement for the two. Kenny started giving him short fast strokes as Tweek slowly fucked him, pulling his dick almost out before shoving it back in quickly, the two driving him mad with pleasure. He wasn’t sure he wanted it to ever end.


	27. Promt Fill 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Your face is red, are you feeling unwell?” Creek

“Your face is red, are you feeling unwell?” Creek

It wasn't like Craig hadn't seen Tweek like this before. Flour on his apron and face with specks of blue buttercream frosting. His hair had been pulled back with a bandana, refusing to wear a hair net for a reason that sounded very Stan Marsh. Always a blue bandana so no one ever knew what kinks he might be into besides the obvious gay butt sex, just in case someone read to far into it. The look of concentration and peace on Tweek's face made him look more his age.

Craig enjoyed watching his boyfriend like this. It was almost domestic. Tweek baking in the kitchen, him doing the laundry and some of the cleaning. Suddenly, he wanted a house with Tweek. With a white picket fence and a small garden. Something straight out of a 50’s sitcom. Some days he'd come home after a long day of data entry, or some boring office job he'd willingly work so Tweek could do what he wanted, and Tweek would greet him with a smile and a kiss. They could spend the evening cuddled on the couch with Stripe. Or maybe Tweek would come home from a long day at the bakery he would own and run and Craig could meet him at the door with some relaxing tea.

Either way, he wanted it.

Tweek suddenly looked up at Craig, his hazel green eyes locking with his own. It was an intimate moment for Craig. It was like their first kiss all over again. He felt his face grow warm, something that rarely happened to him.

Slowly Tweek's face changed from one of happiness to concern and panic.

“Nhhh-Craig, your face is red, are you feeling unwell?”

Craig finally broke eye contact, face only getting redder. “I'm fine.”

“No you're not man!” Tweek's flour covered hands touched his cheek and forehead, only making the situation worse. “GAH! You're burning up! Oh man!”

He felt Tweek tug on his sleeve, and began pulling him out if his kitchen. “You need some Tylenol! You need to reduce your fever!”

“Tweek I'm not sick.” Craig tried to stop Tweek but the boy was having none of it.

“Then why are you so red? And -nnnh- hot.”

Craig knew Tweek meant temperature hot, but he still blushed harder at being called hot by his ever loving and paranoid boyfriend.

“GAH! IT'S GETTING WORSE! Craig! Did you take any candy from strange men in top hats!?”

“What!? No. Tweek-”

Tweek began digging through the medicine cabinet, trying to find someone thing for Craig. “Allergies? Are you feeling-”

“I'm not sick-”

“Irritable? Okay so maybe some cough med-”

“I'm just embarrassed!”

Tweek froze, a bottle of cough syrup in each hand, eyes wider than imaginable.

“Body snatchers,” Tweek whispered.

“No Tweek I was-” Craig turned away. He never thought his boyfriend would believe his body was taken over by a parasite before he would believe he was embarrassed. “I was thinking about… IwasthinkingaboutafuturewithyouandthenyoulookedatmeandIgot-” Craig knew it was too fast and mumbled to low for any normal person to understand.

“Oh.” Slowly Tweek began to blush himself, “Oh. What kind of future?”

“A stupid domestic one.”

They were both silent, Craig too afraid to look at Tweek. He felt Tweek's hand brush against his own before it firmly grasped his, fingers intertwining. Craig turned his attention to their joined hands for a moment, relieved Tweek didn't think he was suddenly to uncool to date. He slowly raised his head, surprised to find Tweek blushing but yet oozing confidence.

“You should- nnnh- you should tell me about it.”

Craig began to blush again as he realized he really did love Tweek.

“Okay, but… maybe not in your bathroom.”


	28. Promt Fill 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15 “I care about you, you idiot…” Staig

* * *

If there was a point to moving, Stan couldn't think of one. Life was bleek. There was no purpose to life and the afterlife was nothing but hellfire and brimstone. No matter what you did your existence was pointless and you were going to burn in hell. 

The love of his life dumped him. His friends had all abandoned him. His life was a mess. And to top it off, he was out of whiskey. Life sucked. 

He couldn't even be bothered to answer his door. Whoever it was would just scold him for his apartment then scold him for his depression and then abandon him like everyone else.

“Marsh!”

Stan didn't even have the energy to groan at the intruder. 

“Get the fuck up Marsh. It's been a week and you're gross.”

“Whatever.”

A face obstructed his view of the blank TV screen. The face of Craig Tucker. 

“You either get the fuck up, or I'm getting you the fuck up myself Marsh.”

“Like your twink ass could make me do shit.”

Anyone else Stan had talked to like that had left. Had abandoned him. And Craig would be the same. It was fine, he wanted to be left alone.

“Fine,” Craig said, his face disappearing from view. 

It was that easy. Stan hated how easy it was to drive people away. They never fought for him, just accepted he didn't want them around and left. 

Hand grabbed his ankles and he was roughly pulled off the couch. He barely missed his head hitting the couch before being drug down his hallway. 

“The hell are you doing.”

“Making you get your ass up.”

It quickly became obvious Craig had no real care for Stan well being as he whacked his body on the doorframe. Craig paid no mind to Stan cry of pain as he began forcefully stripping him of his sweat pants and pullover hoodie. Then with strength Stan had no idea he had, Craig picked him up bridal style and placed him in the tub. The bath was already running, a strange blue ball floated and fizzed in the water releasing what Stan knew to be lavender. Craig crinkled up his nose at the smell, and honestly Stan couldn't blame him.

The bath bomb had been one of Wendy's she left behind and Stan had held on to the atrocious smelling thing because it reminded him of her. And now it's like the last thing he had to remember her by was slowly dissolving away. It was tragic and poetic. 

Craig turned off the water and began washing away a weeks worth of grime and stink, even washing his ass crack. Stan just laid there and let him, watching the water slosh around. He would never admit it, but he did feel better.

Only once a fluffy towel was wrapped around him did Stan speak, his voice breaking. “Why? Why are you doing this.”

He didn't understand. If his friends all left him, why would Craig of all people come and comfort him in a way. 

“Because,” Craig paused, taking a moment to look Stan over. “Because I care about you.”

Those words echoed in his mind. Stan had heard things like “We’re worried about you” from his family, from friends. But to hear someone cared was a completely different feeling. 

Suddenly, everything didn't seem so bad.


	29. Promt Fill 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I wanna cuddle…” Twenny

 

It wasn't unusual for Tweek to find Kenny lounging around his apartment. He'd made the mistake upon moving in to ask Kenny to break in, he wanted to make sure his place was as secure as possible. However, Kenny just never stopped breaking. He somehow always found a way in. 

Of course as payment for his services, even though Tweek no long wished to have them, Kenny demanded sex. He was pretty sure at this point the man only came over to get some. Not that Tweek normally minded. On the rare occasion he didn't want to, Kenny and him just watched a movie. 

It was a lot like dating to Tweek.

Except the whole breaking in thing. 

Today Kenny was laying on his couch. Normally Kenny would be watching something or be naked, but he was fully clothed, laying on his couch, having a staring contest with his Buddha statue. 

“Nnnnh please tell me you're not dead.”

“Not dead.” Kenny's tone was flat. Completely unusual for him. “I wanna cuddle.”

“What?” Tweek was sure he heard him right, but the request just so unusual. 

Kenny turned to him, his violet eyes wide, an unusual sheen to them as if he was about to cry, lips in a slight pout. Tweek could see the sadness, feel it radiating off his normally cheerful friend.

“I wanna cuddle…” this time Kenny slight pout into his voice.

Tweek couldn't say no even if he wanted to. Kenny sat up as he walked around the couch. He sat where Kenny motioned and allowed the man to curl into him. He ran his fingers along Kenny's spine, hoping to help sooth him a bit. He couldn't help but think it was a.nice change of pace from their usual.


	30. Promt Fill 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Is that my shirt?” Stutters

“Is that my shirt?”

“I don't know,” Stan lied. He knew god damn well the shirt belonged to Butters. It was a little snug on him even, but that morning something told him to wear it anyways. “I found it in my closet.”

Butters brought his face in close to Stan's chest. Having the blonde invade his personal space was nothing new, but it was usually just close not his face inspecting the screen printing on his too tight shirt, close. Stan was glad his nipples didn't try to join in, Butters already had one eye scar.

“Yeah man, that's my shirt.” Butters quickly.stood back up, his face really close to Stan's. “I'd recognize that spaghetti stain anywhere. I've been looking for it for months!”

“Oh. Sorry, I guess you must have left it when you were last over.”

Stan hoped Butters’ didn't think to hard on it. He'd had the shirt for a couple months but Butters hadn't been over to his house in a while. It seemed like the poor guy was always getting grounded, even well into his teens. No, Stan had taken it when they were working on a group project. It was his favorite shirt of Butters and he slept with it at night like the hormonal teenager he was. It was stupid and he knew it.

Butters’ face quickly changed from judging to cheerful.

“Oh, it's all right buddy! You can give it back to me after school.”

“You wouldn't want it back after I wash it?”

Butters’ face fell a little and he rubbed his knuckles together. “It's just that's my favorite shirt. And I just- I just want to make sure I get it back.”

Stan felt a little bad for taking the boys shirt. Besides, it's not like it smelled like him anymore, he might as well give it back. “Alright, meet me after school.”

Sure enough, Butters was waiting for Stan outside the doors. He tried not to be too unhappy as he pulled off the cloth, flexing what little muscles he had before tossing the shirt to Butters. Stan tossed his jacket on, purposely leaving it open and gave Butters a wink before walking away. 

What Stan didn't see was Butters sniffing the shirt and grinning happily. 


	31. Promt Fill 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You did all of this for me?” Tweeny

 

Never in his life had Kenny seen such a display of food, things he was sure would be his favorites if he ever had a chance to try. The plates were set as if they were in a five star restaurant and not his rundown apartment. He was pretty sure that was salmon which was a serious upgrade from fish sticks. The fish sat upon a mound of fancy rice and was drizzled in some sort of sauce. There were super long green beans he thought were called asparagus. He didn't know. He'd never had anything like this. 

The small table has a white cloth covering it, Kenny was sure would be ruined by the end of the night. A bottle that looked too expensive to drink sat in a bucket of ice, with a glass waiting to be poured. There was a candle on the table with others littered around his small apartment giving off a calming, romantic atmosphere. And holding out a chair for him to sit in was Tweek. The man had borrowed a suit from someone and looked dashing as hell.

“You did all of this for me?”

Tweek kind of shrugged. “I mean, yeah man. You were pretty upset we couldn't go out for fancy dinner so I -hhnnn- made one. I even made tiramisu.”

Just the name of the desert sounded fancy to Kenny. The fact Tweek went through all of this work just so Kenny could have the fancy dinner experience was enough to make him cry. His face fell a bit when he realized the table was set for one. 

Kenny out on his best pout face. “How am I supposed to have a romantic dinner with you if there's only food for one?”

Kenny suddenly had a hard time reading Tweek. “You didn't want the full fancy feast experience.” His even tone indicating he was in acting mode.

“I want romantic with you more.”

Tweek said nothing as he walked into the kitchen. Kenny waited a moment, listing to Tweek talk to himself before he emerged, carrying an identical plate to the one sitting on the table. His eyes seemed to be sparklingly, but Kenny played it off to the candle light.

“We should dig in before it gets cold.”

Kenny pulled out his phone and took a picture as Tweek sat down. He was going to remember this even if he did die tonight.


	32. Prompt Fill 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Cut me some slack. I have zero experience with flirting.” Twyle

“Nnnh- do you come here often?”

Kyle turned towards Tweek and narrowed his eyes at him. “Yeah. I work here. At the library.”

“Gah! Sorry it's just-”

He watched the man scramble around his pocket, making his usual noises as he obviously looked for something. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, looked at it the shoved it haphazardly back into his pocket. 

“I hear you're-nnnh- looking for a stud.”

“What?” Kyle was confused at what was going on. It was like some weird prank gone wrong.

“I've got the STD all I need is you-GAH! No wait!”

Kyle was truly lost as Tweek pulled up his sleeve and began reading from his arm.

“We should go to the planetarium. And then after we learn about astronomy, I can destroy yuri-nus. What? That one doesn't even make sense. GAH!”

Kyle placed a hand on Tweek's shoulder. There was no way the man didn't have enough coffee to day. He was working at the cafe in the library and part of his deal for running the thing was free coffee on shift. But Kyle was truly concerned for his friend. This whole thing smelled of a terrible prank. It wouldn't put it past Stan to dare his crush to flirt with him.

“Tweek-”

“No no no. One of these has to work.”

“You don't have to-”

“Are you made of copper and tellurium because your ass is out of this world- No! That's not right! AHHHHHH!”

“Tweek, I'm going to need you to-”

“Cut me some slack man,” Tweek said through gritted teeth as he pulled his hair. “I have zero experience flirting. Why did I take advice from those assholes about this?”

Kyle stared in disbelief at Tweek. He'd dated Craig forever. No way was Kyle his type. 

Something seemed to catch Tweek's eye. He slowly turned his head to look at his arm, hands still grabbing his hair. His face changed from one of panic to pure joy. 

“It's a good thing I have my library card, because I'm totally checking you out. And now ask him on a da- Oh! Want to gnnnh- go on a date with me?”

Kyle grinned. That’s the pick up like Stan had used when he first started at the library. 

“Yeah, let's go on a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My highschool astrology teacher ingrained into my head Uranus is pronounced Yur-in-us. And honestly, Tweek pronouncing it like that just makes it that much better.


	33. Prompt Fill 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You knocked on my door at 1 in the morning, to cuddle?” Stylenny

 

“Kyle, my lord,” Sir Stan whispered into his ear far too close and seductively. “Princess Kenny, they did this. I'm sorry.”

Before Kyle could question what, Sir Stan, his bravest of warriors mouth met his own. He closed his eyes allowing the desire he'd held for his most loyal man to overcome him. He didn't care it was some spell, he wanted this. Needed this.

“Give in, elf,” he heard Kenny whisper in his ear. He felt the body of the princess press against his back. “Become one with your beloved warrior for when he's done, you'll be mine.”

Kyle let out a moan as something tore him from his dream. He groaned into his pillow. It had been so many years since they role played fantasy, why was he dreaming about it. Stan being mind controlled was nothing new. Kyle had accepted it was the only way his friend would want him. But Princess Kenny was a new bit. It was probably because Kenny had been his usual flirty self earlier, only Kyle had taken it a little more seriously lately and his heart raced every time the blonde winked at him. Living with your friends who were also hard core crushes was difficult.

A noise he couldn't quite comprehend interrupted his thinking. He laid still, hoping it would either happen again or go away.

A knock. On his chamber door. He hated his sleeping brain. Kyle looked at the clock on his night stand and groaned. He got up, and opened his door to see Stan, his hand raised ready to knock again. 

“Hey, can I come sleep with you?”

“Sleep with me?” Kyle's heart raced as his mind flashed back to his dream.

“Well cuddle.”

“You knocked on my door at 1 in the morning, to cuddle?” Kyle wasn't sure if he should be angry or overjoyed.

Stan looked down at the floor and kind if shrugged.

A door opened and Kenny walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his underwear. It wasn't that Kyle wasn't fully aware he slept like that, however, it was a surprise to see. 

Kenny rubbed his eyes sleepily as he stopped behind Stan. And “ah” was the only thing said as he gently pushed on Stan's back, ushering him into Kyle's room. He pulled back Kyle's sheets nudged Stan to get in before crawling in behind him spooning Stan from behind. Kyle just stood at his door, watching the two as they clearly prepared to sleep the night in his bed. Kenny looked Kyle dead in the eye, seriousness he rarely saw reflected in them as he patted the other side of the bed. 

Kyle had questions. Like why? And what? And WHAT!? But the look in Kenny's eyes said everything else could wait. 

He closed his door before making his way to his bed, grateful he'd gotten the queen. Stan grabbed Kyle's hips and snuggling into his chest. Unsure of where to place his hands, Kyle just let them hover over Stan for a moment before Kenny grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers and placed them gently on Stan's side.

Kyle had to admit, this was nice, even if he was on the wrong side of his bed and would probably not sleep. 


	34. Prompt Fill 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want to think about what I’d be like without you.” Stendyle

 

Stan was in a panic. He never meant for things to get like this. He loved Wendy dearly, the kind of love born from crushes and passion. But Kyle was his best friend. Their love grew from the friendship they had and ran deep through him. The thought of having neither one in his life was devastating. 

Yet here they both were demanding he choose one or the other. 

It wasn't like he was greedy. Like he had to have both to fulfill his sexual conquest. The true bi experience. It was more than that. Deeper than any emotion. He couldn't choose one love and cast the other aside. 

He knew it was wrong but he wanted both. 

“I don’t want to think about what I’d be like without you.” Stan hoped his love, his despair, his need could be conveyed through just his voice. 

“Without who?” Kyle asked, fire burning behind his eyes even if he was keeping a level voice.

“And what does that even mean?” Wendy was like the opposite. Her voice carried the weight of her anger. 

“Both of you. You're both the love of my life. And without one of you, I won't be me. I barely hang on to things on a regular daily basis. And it's in part because of you both. My love for you is a huge driving force behind my existence and to just have to leave one of you would be like asking me to cut out a piece of my heart and continue living.”

“It's not that hard. Either Kyle goes or I do.”

Stan let out a frustrated groan. He was desperate. Nothing he said seemed to get across to either one of them how he felt. Just what it would be like to have to choose. He let the tears flow, tired of trying to hold them back.

“I can't do that,” said whispered, his voice breaking.

The fire in Kyle's eyes died a little. Stan was hopeful his best friend understood what was being asked of him. 

“Then I guess you don't deserve either of us.”

Stan would have preferred to be shot over hearing those words. The thought of loving without one of them was torture enough. And Kyle just said he would have to live without both. He fell in love with equally passionate and strong willed people and he was paying the price. Neither would give just a little. Just enough to see what could possibly be. 

Instead they were walking away. 

“Please,” Stan begged and reached out for them. 

His hand landed in each if their hands and he grasped them, hoping they would never leave.

“Please don't do this.” 

“We didn't, Stanley. You did.” Wendy jerked her hand out of his, and glared at his and Kyle's joined hands before walking away.

Kyle stood there a moment longer, looking at Stan's now empty hand. 

“Stan, I'm sorry.”

Stan could feel Kyle's heartbreak as he pulled his hand away and left. The closing of the front door drove the stake into Stan's heart. What happiness he'd had in his life was now gone. His coping mechanisms through the worst of days, when medication didn't hold through, vanished. Stan gave into the emotions he'd been holding and bay. He slowly sank to his floor, and just let himself feel empty.


	35. Prompt Fill 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” Stutters

Butters rubbed his knuckles together, a nervous habit he’d never dropped. He did his best not to drop his eyes. Instead he kept them locked with Stan's deep blue ones.

“It- it's just…” he didn't know how to tell him. How his parents felt. How their friends felt. How he was feeling. “Everyone keeps telling me you're the bad guy. And what if they're right?”

Butters’ knew it was stupid. He knew how sweet and gentle Stan was. The man cared too deeply. He had a passion Butters had compared to a tidal force in his poems. And that passion was the driving force behind most of his actions. Stan never shied away from thing. He met things head on. And he learned from his mistakes. 

This is why Butters loved him. Why he'd said yes when Stan asked him out. 

But it was also these traits that got him into trouble. Stan refused to sit back and let things happen and would sometimes wind up arrested. He was a bad boy. A rebel. He drank. He smoked. He was a bad influence on Butters. 

Butters would make excuses for his bad habits. They were young. Stan was just taking in all life had to offer. 

The truth was, Butters was scared of the emotions Stan lit within him. He knew he had a burning desire to fight for what he thought was right but he'd held it back for years. Tried to be a good kid for his parents. 

“Leo,” his name whispered. Stan only ever called him when this when they were in the throws of passion. “Is that what you think?”

“No- I mean sometimes.”

“Do you want this? To break up?”

“No, but my parents said-”

Stan gave Butters a soft smile, “They are going to ground you for this. But forget about them. Forget about what I want or what your parents want. What do  _ you _ want?”

Butters knew what he wanted. He wanted to be happy and to be loved. And he had that with Stan. 

He had that with Stan.

It was like new life at been given to him. Like his eyes had been opened to the person he'd become. A new fire burned within him. He felt the same drive now that he had when he was 10 and angry at the world.

“You.” Butters grabbed the bag from Stan's hand. “And to light this on my front porch.”

Butters felt like he just told Stan I love you for the first time. And Stan looked it. He looked happier than he had in years. And Butters loved it. 


	36. Brothers. An I Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a cute thing about Tricia and Karen talking about their stupit brothers.

“My brother's so stupid.”

Karen swiped at her tablet screen. She was trying to find the stupid skin care article in the digital magazine. The physical copy wouldn't have been better, but she momentarily wished she'd spent the extra $3 on it.

“Tell me about it. What did Craig do this time?”

Tricia let out a growl. “You know how he was having issues with his Jeep.”

“Shouldn't have bought a Jeep.”

“God! I know, right? But nooooo. Don't listen to anyone about that. You just have to have the car from Jurassic Park.”

Karen bookmarked the article and gave her full attention to Tricia. “Not like Kenny helped. If anyone would have been able to stop him, it would have been my him. Or Kevin. But nooooo gotta be as excited as him to fix up a Jeep Wrangler.”

“Uhg! Well they got it running. They get it two blocks down the road and the tire rolls by him. He fucking forgot to put the lug nuts on!”

“Oh my God! No!” Karen did her best to host in her laughter. “Did anyone get hurt?”

“Just Mr Slave's rose buds.”

Knowing everyone was uninjured, Karen allowed herself the gut wrenching laugh. Unable to hold herself up, she fell onto her side.

“Oh my God. Tell- tell me you got video!”

“I wish! Him kicking the car was funny enough. And Tweek! Oh my God Tweek didn't even help! He just stood there in complete shock until my Dad ran out there. Even then all he could do was point at the tire, which was still rolling, and scream, what the fuck.”

Karen let out another laugh, holding her stomach as she imagined the scenario.

“I can't-”

Tricia let out her own little laugh. “Yeah I couldn't breathe either. He was so pissed and Tweek couldn't get over the tire.”

Karen calmed down enough to take a few deep breaths. “Speaking of stupid brothers. You know what mine did?”

“Forgot to put the lug nuts back on Craig's Jeep?”

Both girls let out a laugh. Kenny had been helping him fix the vehicle. It was only fair he share the blame.

“Oh God. That too.” Karen wiped away her tears. “So you know how he has a huge as crush on your brother.”

“God they are so fucking stupid.”

“Right! So he bought Craig a present. It was a new guinea pig since stripe the fifth finally kicked the bucket. He fucking decides the best thing to do is wrap the cardboard carrying box-”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes! He tosses in a bit if food. Wraps it! Then goes. To. Bed. He goes to sleep. He has a rodent in a cardboard container and he decides the best course of action is to sleep suddenly at 6pm on a Tuesday night! Needless to say, it escaped, but was still kinda small and mom mistook it for a rat and proceeded to kill it.”

It was Tricia's turn to laugh. “Oh God! I'm sorry it died but God damn! Why are they stupid!?”

“RIGHT! They can't even see they have the hots for each other!”

“So fucking stupid.”

“Seriously! They walk around pining for each other!”

“Oh God! And Tweek is just as bad!”

“Tweek is like the adopted brother because he has no sister to steer his ass in the right direction.”

“You know what he did?”

“What? Forgot to put the lug nuts on?”

Tricia snorted, trying to hold back her laughter. “He fucking- he pulls his hair back, right? He spent the night and couldn't find his ponytail holder, so instead of asking me,” she motioned to her dresser, “he used rubber bands.”

“No- wait plural bands?”

“Yeah. Craig's old braces rubber bands. Apparently it took them an hour to pull his hair back into about 25 tiny ponytails in the same -ish spot.”

“No! How did they get them out!”

“Craig had to go over at 11 at night and cut them out! He said they used 27 bands bit he only pulled out 25.”

The two started laughing again. Karen hoped they never outgrew their stupidity. 


End file.
